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Steely grey skies
stretched on forever while plying debris filled waters
filling the broad expanse drifting slowly in my kayak;
appearing as a sea moving ever onward to it’s
destiny with the polar ocean to the west. Except for
the white object in the distance, there was nothing
outstanding to catch one’s attention. Being in
the peaceful slow moving waters gave time to consider
the possibility of exploring this distant white shape
which happen to be on the north side of the flood; based
on simple logic, if I wanted to explore the nature of
the white object while opportunity presented itself
in the navigable waters that now surrounded me, its
location to the north would make it prudent to head
in that direction while trying to locate the tundra
river.
Paddling gently with eye on the westward drifting shoreline,
efforts were first made by traveling a diagonal path
where by inhibiting the influence of the subtle currents
taking me away the hopeful outcome of finding the peaceful
river leading to an early morning rendezvous. Be it
simple solar warmed river side hygiene or the greater
mystery on the second day, the ever present Love of
my Father was helping me even now with navigational
assistance to reach a destination associated with a
great unknown future. Everything associated with the
three day experience was shrouded in a warm comforting
mystery beyond my ability to understand. For the moment,
it was essential that my eyes remained fixed on the
white object to the north as it was the easiest way
to determine my westward down stream velocity.
It wasn’t long before I found myself paddling
with greater efforts as the white object in the distance
began to move eastward with increasing velocity, revealing
a deceptively quickened pace of down stream movement.
It took serious strokes with my paddle to keep the object
ahead of me, as my track through the eminent moving
flood required a path of travel in a sideways manner
much like a crab walks; I would paddle for a point well
to the east of the white object while traveling across
the flood to the north. As the white object grew nearer,
I tried to determine if it was a water fall dropping
into the glacial river or perhaps a man made object
marking something on the river’s north side; whatever
it was would remain a mystery as efforts to reach it
took me into an area of the flood where the pace of
the flow quickened so fast that ripples and small current
waves began to appear all around me.
There was no time to look towards the white object
any longer as I found myself caught in another powerful
flow which moved quicker than I could over power. Knowing
the cross flood path I had been paddling took me to
the north side of the river, I was quite certain it
had to be the only logical place to find the tundra
river, I had to quickly survey the shoreline for any
evidence of the convergence, that place where the violence
of the glacial river met the peaceful surrender of the
tundra river’s terminus. Once again I made the
usual human error of letting my old fear generate tension
as I tried to trust my human judgement rather than the
gentle sense of my Father’s guidance. Just like
the time I was caught in the submerged forest, it wasn’t
until I thew away all attachments to this world in my
gear, water, stove and finally my life, that room was
made for my Father to step in and help guide me around
the log jam to the island and safety. In retrospect,
once again I was feeling so immature realizing how frequently
I resort to my own abilities to futility depend on limited
personal powers of reason. I was being carried on the
flow of a current that could only be over come by abandoning
all efforts to paddle and walk a shoreline with kayak
in tow, unfortunately at this position in the glacial
river, there was no solid shoreline as waters flooded
areas of low brush beside the rivers north side.
The speed of my travels began to increase quickly making
my efforts to prevent another capsize a priority. As
usual the river was not clear being filled with many
large and small pieces of wood most of which were floating
along with the currents without posing harm to the hull;
however, about two hundred feet ahead of me was a very
large black stationary root stump caught in the flow.
Making the error of placing my focus on the fearful
threat in the river, I let go of my Father’s hand.
I knew how fast I was moving as this frightening dangerous
obstacle appeared to take on life to pursue me. With
tangled ominous twisted tentacles of sharp pointed roots
it drew closer and closer on a path that would intercept
the side of my kayak. I continued to look at this dark
object rather than the Light that helped me so many
times before; I paddled frantically trying to balance
the efforts I made with my movement on the currents
carrying me closer and closer to this massive five foot
wide four foot high black beast. I made efforts to avoid
impact and it seemed like the current would carry me
by without incident when suddenly I felt a jolt and
my kayak came to a sudden halt. I looked back and found
the gnarly twisted roots of the partially submerged
tree stump had become entangled in the right rudder
cable; it was an extremely dangerous event as the vicious
currents could cause a capsize leaving me to lose everything
including my life or else puncture the kayak hull or
break the rudder cables leaving me to slowly sink or
flounder without directional control. My old nature
left me feeling desperate in a situation of my own design;
I took my paddle and began to jab at the roots tangled
in my bow rudder lines and fixtures. Like trying to
kill something that was already dead, it gained more
power by taking life from anything caught in it hold.
I continued to make vigorous efforts to jab at the dead
roots that held me motionless in the river waiting to
be consumed by the merciless dark currents sweeping
by me. It was terrible but only then did I turn my attention
back to my Father for help as I believed that He would
not bring me this far to perish violently in the dark
currents this way far from the peace of His warm secure
company as on the island . One more desperate jab as
the dark twisted root that held my rudder line and I
was suddenly moving again free from its hold on me.
The seriousness of taking my attention off the Light
that reached me on the island would only be fully realized
when I took my kayak out of the waters at the journey’s
end.
I was so thankful for help as I was speedily drifting
past shore line which now appeared familiar to me. I
now realized that the vicious current was part of the
very same event encountered on the first day shortly
after leaving the tundra river, the same one that forced
me to abandon my kayak and tow it up stream by hand
on the first day. I tried to slow my pace down so I
could locate the tundra river whose waters may be obfuscated
by a mixing with the muddy silty glacial river. I approached
the shoreline as safely as possible by back paddling
to slow my down stream drift while watching for anything
that may look like the convergence; as I did this I
finally entered a part of the glacial river where the
river current disappeared and all movement of waters
vanished. I looked and it seemed just like the glacial
river with bits of wood and floating bark debris, yet
there was no relative movement with the forest shoreline;
all movement of waters had stopped.
Paddling into these still waters, I entered what looked
like a lagoon of muddy waters lined with forest on both
sides a couple of hundred feet apart. I was worried
that I might be entering another branch of the glacial
river, but I was being guided and knew that paddling
in this muddy lagoon was filled with wonderful quiet
peace. I simply continued to paddle slowly and gently
through the bits of wood and bark in the muddy lagoon.
Then I thought I saw part of the waters on the shoreline
appear clear and dark in one small area for a moment
but after that the muddy water appeared again. I wondered
how far this still glacial waters would go as I had
traveled almost a half mile seeing only muddy water.
I continued to glide across the peaceful surface as
if I were in a dream, when suddenly before my eyes appeared
a vast expanse of clear dark water marked by a line
of muddy waters. I glided across this line into the
dark clear waters and then knew I had been in the tundra
river all along; how thankful I was to be back on the
clear water way home.
Was I really going home? At the beginning of this journey
I expected to simply kayak some peaceful rivers and
go camping, only to wide up struggling for my life in
cold dark currents in a world without life. Out of this
terrifying experience I encountered the most wonderful
Love with a personality that identified Him as the Perfect
Father. I learned that far out in a remote glacial flood
plain, He had the ability to remove me from a turbulent
terror and place me on a soft comfortable little island
where He held me on the second day in a way that let
me know that He was continuing to take me far from the
darkness and pain of the world I had been in; this was
truly the most wondrous event of my life and one I never
wanted to leave.
Yet during the later hours of the second day I discovered
a phone message which was not unlike hearing a voice
calling for help out in the dark waters I had just been
saved out of. What was I to do? Should I ignore the
call realizing that He who Held me is the only One who
can save people out of the dark death trap or do I take
it upon myself to jump up and try and save the person
struggling for life in the cold dark currents? If I
had paused to consider my condition carefully, I certain;y
had no strength to get up let alone help save anyone.
Did I act foolishly to renter the very thing I had been
saved from? Yes, at the beginning on my journey I found
myself trapped in a violent cold dark world of dead
things where I was guided to safety and refuge on my
way to a world of Light, Love and Peace which was the
opposite of what I had come out of.
I reflected on the dark violent beginnings that ended
in a Light and Peace which words fail to accurately
describe. Now as I ply the waters of the tundra river
in at its most peaceful quiet terminus, I realize my
journey back was beginning in a stillness and peace
but it was a stillness and peace similar to that of
a graveyard. Would this peace I was entering on the
chilly overcast early morning simply be a precursor
to a world of violently twisted forces of death? I write
these words exactly two months after returning from
the island and I have had plenty of time to see exactly
where I am in the convergence of this world.
In the next part of the story the journey hasn’t
ended. Now it is time to carefully consider what Perfect
Love would do. My Father remains with me and I with
Him. I search for those who know my Father and I have
met some who know the wonderful Father of Heaven and
Earth whose Love is so amazing and powerful; yet to
this day most who know Him are the weakest most humble
members of society and many they be who have been hurt
by the ones who brought them to this world and even
by those who claim to be educators for their future
whose fained care is motivated by monetary greed. The
Door remains open but time grows short. The geese are
migrating south before the deep freeze that will transform
the river ways with their peace or violent darkness
all into solid silent savannas of softly sifting silent
snow; the question remains, “Which Way shall I
go?” Should I remain in a body that has been run
over by a car, taken from Korea and its healthy nurturing
environment where children are loved so much? Should
I remain in this western world where children spend
more time being abused and prematurely forced out of
childhood and the efforts of a single teacher is so tiny
in their day to day experience? Should I remain wherefores found in the deeps of the convergence work their way
in a through the very system that controls my time with
children?
As I tell this story to the children I teach, I tell
them that I haven’t finish writing it yet because
the last few chapters will be written by them. My story
isn’t finished yet because I must ask the children
how they think the story should end? Should it end with
sadly seeing them so infrequently for a few hours in
one year, or simply go back to the island where the
indescribably wonderful warmth and Love of my Celestial
Father waits for me?
The children will have a part with writing the happy
ending to this story in the last chapters of thirteen
and fourteen.
Continued in Chapter
13
∞
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