My Father is no fool, whatever I do He is swift to cultivate the good and prune out the bad. I need to write this as a way to clear my thoughts on what has transpired since my last entry.
I have been in Korea for a little over a week now. My time here places me just 5 miles south of the North Korean boarder and perfect immersion in the degenerating remnants of its once honorable southern neighbor. Korea seems to be suffering in the north and south form the effects of idolatry; in the north it's the worship of their leaders and in the south it is the worship of materialism.
Why am I here after such a blessing of being among children of Alaska playing in the pristine beauty of a grand natural wilderness? My experience here in the midst of decaying humanity is not pleasant and have no one to blame but myself as my Father gave me firm and clear warning just prior to my departure to this jungle of concrete and glass.
Tomorrow I'm scheduled to meet the sixth grade children I'm suppose to teach without a lesson plan, book, or a building where the construction is far from finished. I must constantly remind myself that " greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world ." I must also remember that if I love my Father more than anything He will make even this experience turn into something wonderful.
February 23, 2010
The first day of classes happened without a problem. Once again I met Korean children who are loved completely by their family and society. Once again I'm faced with the pain of realizing that children in Alaska wait for a hope; one that I brought but failed to keep providing out of a false fear that school breaks would separate me from them.
Being back in classes where children are loved completely yet having no desire to learn the English language has left me heart broken for my foolish error. I can only appeal to God in all His mercy for forgiveness and pray and hope that He will make a way for me to reverse the foolish error of my ways.
I guess this will be my first ever report of how the God of Love deals with a wayward son. What I write here will certainly show how important it is to respect God's directions and guidance. No matter how it goes, getting out of the mess I have put myself in will certainly extract its pound of flesh as a result. What I may write could be a story of amazing mercy and grace of deliverance or it may be a tale of the frightening justice and pain due to disobedience. Time is very short.
February 25, 2010 7:47 AM
I sit alone in a cold unheated storage room that is 8 x 10 in floor space. It is dusty in here and since I have no place for my clothing, they lay scattered on an old bed with a few blankets to keep warm at night.
As usual, I spent time in prayer and reading of the book Daily Strength for Daily Needs located on this web page history link. Here is a reading that spoke to me about my present condition.
You canst not escape from pain more than God dislikes thy bearing it, and if He puts pain on you, it is in the same way as you would choose if you were to put in on yourself, if you are wise, for a greater good afterwards at a later time
J. H. NEWMAN.
I must abandon all my efforts to dream of the humble life I lived before in Alaska as I live in this abysmal isolation and confinement. From the above writing this present distress is what I would choose if I could see my life from a higher vantage point that God always has.
This day I must approach the directors of this questionable school institution with wisdom and timing to explain my lot and seek from them an honest God honoring solution so I can avoid the terrible sin of offending them and causing many other to fail and see God's Love in me.
There is a reason I'm here but naturally it's not for what I thought.
February 25, 2010 14:10
The mysteries of God's ways are far beyond finding out; what He permits in the life of His children can only be known and seen from His perspective. In the midst of this incomprehensible dilemma involving keeping one word and promise to other people who name His Name when the timing of keeping that promise was in opposition to God's will on the day that action to keep an earthly promise came about.
God in all His mercy has the power to allow the entire systematic order of His graceful dance to crumble into disarray if just one person in that grand cosmic dance gets out of step. Like a series of standing dominos all the dancers stumble and begin crashing into each other making a desperate effort to regain the grace and orderly progression of the dance.
I'm watching the process of harmony being introduced into a dance that fell apart because of a conflict involving God's will and timing which came into conflict with an earthly promises that was not in harmony with the honor one must give God first. A clearing in the dark confusion seems to be appearing as many of the dancers who stumbled, get up and see clearly that to continue the development of order, peace and harmony it is necessary for one dancer to leave their circle. Again, the timing of when and how to depart the circle depends on stepping into a new harmony where the dance goes on without one dancer; that one dancer must return to the circle left behind a few weeks ago.
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