Friday, October 29, 2010 4:53:21 PM
 
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"Perfect Actions"

Honor

October 15, 2010

 

"Honor your father and mother" as they honored their father and mother who honored their father and mother who honored their father and mother as they honored their father and mother who honored their father and mother before them who honored their father and mother

ad infinitum.

Convergence
Chapters

Honor

It is best to speak of my personal experience as a part of the Korean collective as it eliminates any possibility of a reader viewing my exposition as conjecture. I became part of the Korean collective identity over a period of many years where my cancerous egocentric hedonistic western characteristics were replaced with altruistic philanthropic characteristics. People of Korean have a uniquely harmonious system of social security that is based on society not government.

The social security of Korean begins with the birth of the first son; this matter of having a first son is critical to the integrity of the collective for reason beyond the scope of this exposition; suffice it to say that having a first son is so important that a father will continue to have children until a son is born. The birth of the first son establishes the essential link in the system of family and social stability and security.

The first son is meticulously groomed for the all important task of being the mediator of the family of his generation. His job includes making sure that his mother and father are taken into his home after his marriage the first son inherits all the property and wealth of the father by which he insures that his father and mother are living in his house complete with health care, domestic employment and finally a ceremonial honorable burial and funeral rites. There is never a time in Korean when elderly people with their wealth of life long learning, skills and talents are relegated to some kind of faceless government senior citizen rest home; such a thing would be a disgrace to the entire family making the ability to function within the greater social body impossible.

The second son is given his natural place as a family member but without any of the inheritance, or responsibility of the first son. At first this may seem unfair to some outsiders but it must be known that with the honor and prestige of being the first son come the added responsibility of being the care provider for his parents until their death.

If any family member fall upon tough times it is the collective responsibility of the entire family to care for that family member. An example of this was found when I was run down by a car which broke my back. In Korean there is a natural propensity for the person who caused an injury to care for and insure the health of the one he injured; however in my case there was a conflict between my faith and the obligations of the one who injured me. The man who broke my spine was quick to seek the immediate help of his extended family for their honor as a family was at stake before a collective society. They immediately offered to take me to the police and to the hospital but my convictions had taught me that it was important to forgive any and all who wrong you. It took quite a long time to convince them I appreciated their offer to help me but I said that it was okay and I forgave him. At the time I never knew that the injury would turn into a debilitating illness that is taking my life. Regardless, even though this event will take my life in less than a year, I still forgive him and will not go back on my word.

With a broken spine the members of Korean heard that I planned on going back to the United States to get help with a surgical procedure that was very effective for healing the injury. I arrived in the US and soon found that the only place I was welcome was in the icy dark streets of Anchorage and no hospital would see me unless I had eighty thousand dollars in hand. With just one week to find help, I could find none in the United States and that included the Veteran’s Administration who had helped me with a false alarm sixteen years before. I had no place to go and no help to be found. I called my family in Korean and they said to come back home and they would help me.

I arrived back in Korean where my family all worked together to find a hospital and pay for the expensive surgery and lengthy hospital stay and the expense of one year recovery. A year later I flew all the way around the world to see my blood family and they didn't come to the air port to meet me nor did they even answer their phone while I waited in a hotel; again I had to return to my “real” family in Korean.

Form the year of my arrival to eleven year later when I departed Korean, I had met with my family in Korean twice a year for the three day holidays designated to honor family integrity, ancestral heritage and social belonging. I grew close to my family in Korean even though my skin and eye color was different, they accepted me as one of the family. I grew close to my father-in-law and loved his jovial good nature love for family. I remember the day he was getting ready to leave this world and how he waited until I arrived before letting go. I remember the unique burial ceremony when they took my father-in-laws body out of the coffin on that cold February day in the cemetery and in traditional fashion, laid him on two long strips a linen that was held by four sons of the family and lowered is body only into the deep burial hole until his body came to rest at the bottom. The sons on one side of the grave released the linen strips and the sons of the opposite site pulled up the strips from under my father-in-law body.

Starting with the eldest first son, we each in turn dug a shovel full of earth and poured it down upon my father-in laws body, I was near the end of the line of sons before the grandsons and remember digging up a shovel full of soil and looking down on my father-in-laws body poured my shovel full down toward his legs trying to avoid his face. As the last of the sons poured their shovel full of earth on the father's body, the daughters were not permitted to engage in this aspect of the burial ceremony.

Everyone stepped off to the side as the spiritual officiator spoke words in Korean and made gestures toward the grave as the grave diggers work at a rapid pace filling the gave with the remaining soil. After the last bit of earth was heaped on top, my eldest son open a bottle of expensive raspberry liquor and poured a glass full laying it at the foot of the grave. He and the family bowed our heads and prayed. After the prayer the eldest son (my brother-in-law) lifted the glass of raspberry wine and splashed it on the left side of the grave then on the right side and finally in the middle of the pile of earth that covered my father-in-laws body.

Right after that we all began to file from the grave site down toward the parking lot where the cars waited. As I was getting ready to walk down the hill, the priest grabbed by arm to stop me; without a word with one hand holding my sleeve he looked back toward the grave stone at he head of the grave of pointed with his other hand. I looked at what he was point at and it was what was written on the shinny black grave stone; there engraved in the stone that over looked the East China Sea was my father-in-laws mane in large Korean letters, then the priest looked back at me and motioned once again carefully at the stone and there I could finally see it; right under my father-in-laws name I saw my name engraved in the stone. There below my father-in-laws name in accordance with an ancient traditions of Korean unknown to the minds of western people, was my father-in-laws name below which were the names of all the sons be they direct or by marriage; nowhere on the stone were the names of any women.

I survived eleven year in Korean because my life was dependent upon the life of the collective family and the collective family depended upon my loyalty and honor to survive. After the car accident that broke my spine, something happened, something hard to describe but I knew life as I knew it had ended as death began to pursue me.

It was impossible to allow death to affect my family in Korean so I had to go back to where I had come from. There was no need of a funeral for that was taken care of on that cold day in February. I had no need of a burial as I was buried with my father-in-law and my name remains on the stone. There remains only one last thing to do and that is to arrange my appointments with people on the United States especially my blood family and those “Christians” who left me on the highway of the US and Canada during the ten years I traveled to tell everyone the great news. I must make plans to go to where they are and I will meet them, each and every one of them.


Year after year, century after century the first son born is given the cultural key that binds all families together and with all families bound together there come an over lapping process until the total of society is related through family or through blood marriages.



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