Autobiography

1976-1986

(under construction)

Brother Sun, Sister Moon a great movie for me as a child of the 60's however it does initiate an archetype that spreads throughout human history. This archetype is that of man pursuit of the spiritual world and women's efforts to follow.

Being an ascetic of sorts I have enjoyed the luxury of exploring wider implications of such patterns as mankind's image as the sun or a star and women's image as the moon or reflector of his light. Rather than aspire to be a poet regarding my observations, I find it easier to communicate my finding in a purely scientific sense.

Being fully aware that presenting such observations (be they ever so fascinating) in the language of science would cut an audience of readers virtually in half due to the simple fact that man due to genetic wiring have a predisposition for understanding the language of science and in like manner the language of nature. As I attempt to expand the concept of men as source and women as reflectors, the story will become wider with an eventual narrow focus. So allow me to begin this little narrative by recounting the events associated with a major portion of my life.

Back in 1976 the most amazing event took place in my life. This event was so profound that it inspired me to publish my experience as far and wide as possible. At that time of my life I was just coming out of a relationship with a woman who had been a major part of my life up to the point where the logic of procreation became questionable. By questionable I meant, why would anyone bring children into a world where a church would not grant your marriage unless all off spring of the marriage they grant were raised within the strict doctrines and catechisms of the Roman Catholic Church? As an agnostic at that time it seemed to be a clear case of religious hostage taking even before their birth. Simply from a logical point of view this seemed to be wrong and definitely smacked of the underworld tactics associated with such organizations as the Mafia.

Honestly, I was taken secretly into a back room of the Roman Catholic Church where I was to be wed and asked to sign a promise to raise all children born of the union this so called �priest� was to officiate and grant. I objected to such procedures and the priest simply said, �Unless you sign the promise to the Catholic Church I will not perform the wedding.� Extortion was the term that came to my mind for what I saw going on. I refused to sign but feeling hard pressed about getting married I consented to give my word rather than sign a paper. The priest (father Hadad was his name) agreed to the verbal agreement. All of this took place in secrecy supposedly without the knowledge of my wife to be.

My fiancé and I were married in the Catholic Church In Weymouth Massachusetts. The discussion and promise I made with the priest was never mentioned to her in the entire seven years we were together.

With the foregoing as a background dynamic affecting our relationship, I could not in good Conscience consent to having children because I certainly did not want any of my genetic material held in hostage to a system of education or perhaps better stated a system geared to "reeducating" the world into the mind bending, heart bloated, pomp and circumstance of official Roman Catholic Church doctrine with all its pontificating evil.

With my conscience bothered by exposing innocent children to this psychological abuse I saw in the Roman Catholic Church I was dead set against having children until my conscience was clear. While waiting for a clearer conscience I was also employed by the US Navy Reserve as an aircraft electronic technician while attending the local university where I studied theoretical physics just so I could avoid being sent to Vietnam as cannon fodder.

How could I bring children into a world manipulated by a diabolical church in a country that made its bread by sending its young men off to die in a war against anything that did agree with the "American Way".  I was 23 years old at the time but my conscience became clearer and clearer as the years went by. Soon it was clear that my country considered any people who didn't agree with the "American Way" as being evil communists who's only worth was found as the US military turned these farmers and simple people into flaming fertilizer.

By 1976 my conscience was bothering me so much because I realized I was supporting communication technology for super sonic aircraft that were used to drop bombs and napalm on agrarian populations in Southeast Asia .

In almost one synchronistic action two events came together in 1977 that brought me to the end of myself and the beginning of a life with a dynamic and force that blew out of heaven with a scintillating force of pure and holy love. These two events were the US Navy's nervousness with the my clearly blossoming conscience which made them move me from the department of electronic warfare to the department of snack bar refreshments during my final months before my honorable discharge.

The second thing that happened was the event that culminated from my catholic wife's patient wait for the go ahead to have a baby. She waited 7 years for my conscience to feel comfortable about having a baby. In reality I saw that act of bring a child into a world where my only post discharge job option with a reasonable income was working for a local company developing guidance systems for nuclear cruise missiles.

I just couldn't do it and my wild pursuit of science had me gaining an understanding of subatomic forces linking cosmic events affecting the very nature of space-time and perception. My extracurricular studies had me discovering the outer limits of recreational pharmacology. I was discovering psycho active substances capable of creating photographic memory processes. The proverbial �straw that broke the camels back� occurred when I discovered that my wife gave up the wait for a baby and found someone who would give her one immediately, the Navy discharged me, my university studies reached a point where the semester ended and the Mafia came to my door to �make me a offer I couldn't refuse�.

These events came together as suddenly as super critical components of a thermonuclear event. In an apartment in Miramar California on one dark very lonely night in an isolated moment it happened as suddenly as the blinding but silent light that lit the desert on the day of Trinity. My life changed and where there was loneliness I now had eternal fellowship, where there was fear it was replaced with a peace I had never known before, where there was no hope, it was replaced with vision and direction.

Within a period of months after that event I sold everything I owned and purchased a backpack, tent and a sleeping bag. In a little book I had read I found the words, "Sell everything you own and follow Me."  So I began a journey that I thought would take a little while to complete and now it is 30 years later.

What happened in that 30 years to affect how I understand Brother Sun, Sister Moon?

Well the most obvious thing I noticed about my life during the journey was the absence of women. I met many men as I walked across America but there wasn't a single woman interested in meeting me. Honestly, I just took the phenomena as a natural part of my everyday life for more than 10 years. It is important to note that the ten years of this trek with tent and back pack occurred between the times I was 27-37 years old.

In retrospect; I now realize that these are �prime reproductive� years for human beings. So how is it that when most men are meeting women, I was not. I had to stop and take an inventory. Humm what make a man attractive to woman? I began to contemplate men who seemed to be very successful with meeting woman and began to compare my life. I naturally took my examples from Hollywood and though at that time Sean Connery seemed to be the prefect example of a woman's man. So I figured I would do an inventory to see why I met no women during those years.

Perhaps it is worthwhile to note that prior to the 1976 event, I had met a number of attractive women during my wild promiscuous years. These girls were attractive and sought after by other boys at my high school and colleges. It is difficult for me to gauge what kind of attraction I might have but the fact that I found myself being lectured by my mother about my �loose� life style did indicate that I wasn't considered some kind of troll or gnome. There was the one time I met with the most attractive and notoriously provocative girl in high school. I found her to be rather awesome but unfortunately she considered herself to be some kind of gift from the stars for man kind. To sum up this boring issue, I knew that I must have some degree of physical grace and was not repulsive. So the issue of attractiveness checked off and closed.

So one again here I am making a trek across country on foot for the adventure of a life time connected with my over whelming desire to tell everyone I met about the phenomenal event that changed my life. Mile after mile I walk and within the first few weeks I had met men out tending their fields, men maintaining desert park camp areas and men who happened to drive their four wheel vehicle out to the middle of the desert to do some sports target practice. Each of these men was very kind and was truly interested in the amazing story I had to tell.

Well the miles turned into hundreds of miles and the weeks turned into years and within the first few years I was able to keep an inventory of all the women I met who ever spoke with me using less than the total number of fingers on both hands. So once again I needed to take inventory of what factors limited the number of woman I met. My appearance had not changed because I maintained that before food my most important goal was to stay clean at all times. My cloths were always washed and cleaned and I bathed my body in any and all clean water I could find that didn't require a pick axe to cut through ice to get to. So all in all I was always clean and by virtue of the 1976 initiating miracle I daily met men of the most generous sort who eagerly invited me to have a meal with them.

So I thought about Sean Connery and had to say that I may not have been as dashing as he I knew my looks had nothing to do with why it was that I met more men than women during my 10 year trek.

What did Sean Connery have that I didn't? What made him so attractive compared to me. Then finally after 10 years of reflection, the reasons and the truth finally dawn on me. I began to discover men who women were attracted to whom I considered devoid of physical grace. After a short analysis I discovered that criteria for men and women are opposite. Unfortunately many men don't care about anything other than appearance of women.

Women don't care about the physical appearance on men but rather the ability of a given man to produce and support progeny. To put it in very simple terms, most women only care about how much money a man has or can produce. Finding the most financially solvent male then simply securing his genetic code is the way women insure a life time of easy living from energies derived from her supporting male.

In nature this happens in a very balanced and beautiful manner but among humans this obsession for power and wealth drains a man of not only his wealth but his physical strength and health. Men live shorter lives simply because they genetically lock themselves into an energy draining system that exhausts their life support resources before the days naturally allotted for them to live if they had the power to keep their genetic treasure trove locked away. However, a woman's skill is finding a way to access and secure a man's genetic code because once she has his entire genetic heritage knit in the web at the bottom of that galactic gravity well from which not even light can escape, that man will slave the rest of his life in a effort to salvage and redirect his ransomed ancestry with every ounce of strength as it is swirled away into that unseen whirl pool which we now know is at the center of every galaxy. The well grows deeper and darker with steep slippery sides draining the entire stellar atmosphere deep into it's center depleting the star of all energy while enlarging the strength and gravitational pull of it own spinning vortex. Deeper and more powerful the vortex become until it is drawing upon all neighboring stars which are unable to resist the powerful attractive force. Eventually they become so attractive that they will begin to pull upon smaller back hole systems absorbing the collection of stars of each including the entire black hole.

The star that gets caught in the irresistible attraction his partners gravity will have no power to escape; He will dance to her tune until he sinks into the stellar dust of his father's nebulous grave.

 

 

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